harsh in kinesphere

Spoiler- this is not a movie review, I just thought that this was the best way of confessing something and not letting anyone know.

Yes I admit that I get scared watching horror movies/serials, but only if they are outstanding. But that wasn’t the case some years back when I’d be petrified even after watching ‘Aahat’. Nothing of that sort could prepare me for the real thing.

It’s been almost 4 /*read terrifying*/ years since I watched ‘the Ring’ /*the Japanese and the English version*/ and the movie still manages to bring chills down my spine. The timing couldn’t be more wrong, though I watched the flick in the afternoon, a couple of days later my parents went out of station. Nights had never been so scary. To top it all, I tried sleeping in front of the television. In case you haven’t seen the movie, Samara (the ghost) crawls out of the television set. I practically tried to claw my way out the theater as couple of my friends pulled me by my legs to watch its dreaded sequel . Also when ‘the Grudge’ was touted as being scarier than the ring itself, I convinced myself that I’d watch it even if that meant weeks of sleepless nights. But, to my relief, people who’d die after watching the movie would be scarier and the sequel was a laugh riot, without a script, chills and amateur Fx. Another movie that seemed scary sans the spirits/ ghosts/supernatural was ‘The happening’ but watching people commit suicide tends to get boring. ‘Exorcism of Emily Rose’ is a good one too; it was so good that it has kept me from watching ‘The Exorcist’.

I don’t have any hard feelings towards Ramsay and co. but their version of ghosts has always made me……lol! Maybe because their face resembles dip covered chips/* Ummmm... drool goes here*/. I believe there hasn’t been a good horror-thriller movie post ‘Bhoot’, that’s because no one has made a documentary on current affairs or parliamentary proceedings yet. Now that’ll be a sure shot winner.

There are numerous reasons as to why people smoke or start to smoke, it ranges from- ‘everybody else was doing it’, ‘its cool’, ‘wanted to try new things in life /* why not castration or bungee jumping then??*/ ’, some victimized answers like ‘I was very sad after she left me’, ‘there was no other option’, my personal favorite ‘I didn’t have a habit of sitting in one place for long periods of time, so how can a person deal with stress?’/* sigh!, tears in my eyes, I could wail at your sad puppy story!*/ and there are even some vague answers like ‘just like that’, or some reverse psychology answers ‘why do you eat?’ /*except that from eating, you don’t risk KILLING someone or yourself*/.

Fine I don’t have a problem with human chimneys, but actually I do. I am the guy walking you’ll when you are indulging yourself. Do know that you STINK after you go and relive yourself; it gives people 1 more reason to hate you. The only fag-gang member that drew amazement was a 30 something lady /* a woman empowered specimen*/ who held a cigarette between her lips and signaled her colleague to light it as both of them exited the office building, while my friend whispered “call center!”

Something even more mysterious than ‘the force’ exists between them /*the fag-gang*/. The fact that they have nothing in common except smoking doesn’t matter or maybe it’s all that matters. They’ll relate to SRK and roadside bidi smoking sweeper, at the same time. Its more than a conversation piece, they practically have a club. All Sanjay Gupta movies are hit and ‘No Smoking’ deserves no less than an Oscar. It’s surprising how many people from different backgrounds you’ll know if you fag, and the numbers keep going up. They share their misadventures of the ciggy kind, like how a guy rubbed his hand in his arm-pit to get rid of the stench /*yes, I know they are gifted*/.

Hookahs are a different story all together. Those who indulge will explain you in detail the entire process to conclude that it is like breathing chocolate/strawberry/godknowswhat flavored air. For an hour they’ll feel like the nizam of Hyderabad to top it all, a single hookah is shared between 3-5 guys /*which qualifies as group kissing*/. This stuff isn’t cheap either.

Consider this simple math/*the amount is much higher if it’s an expensive cigarette brand or the no of fags per day is more*/, let’s say that a guy smokes 4 cigarettes a day each of Rs. 2.50.

Meaning everyday he spends Rs.10 killing himself, a bit.

365 days in a year, that is Rs. 3650 up in smoke, literally! And that not even charity!

What if cricket became the next soccer/ football? We’d be seeing participation from all the continents /*if we’d stop being such sissies and let the penguins play!!*/

But what would really happen??? Really?

The Afghan batsmen would go KABOOM!!!! if the opposing team appealed or even looked at the umpire. When it’d be their turn to bowl, the fielders would hide below the ground and would only surface only in the event of a possible catch. How difficult would it be for the Chinese? Their foreign ministry would have to intervene in order to appeal, since their players wouldn’t be allowed to talk with outsiders. There would also be another problem; no one would be able to tell if the next batsman that came from the pavilion was not indeed the same person. Mexico wouldn’t participate because half of the team would try to run into the American pavilion. Finally if USA started playing, they’d think of themselves as the ones who redeemed cricket, they’d file patents for all the things done on the field, but then, actually they wouldn’t participate as they prefer a similar sport with much tighter clothing which involves sliding on the ground and touching each other with a ball.

Ahhhhh the possibilities are endless!

We finally visited school. Though there were only 8 of us, our teachers were delighted to see us after what seemed like ages. Happiness cannot be measured, but their faces gave a slight hint. They asked us what our plans were and what we’ve been doing. As we stood there silently for the national anthem, it seemed too familiar and too distant…….enough of that, being in a notorious batch has its advantages, one being teachers don’t tend to forget you easily. So they could atleast remember our last names, and that’s creditable.

Thanks to the internet and Orkut, most of us are in touch. Though a daily ‘hi’ is an impossibility, we are well informed about what everyone is upto. Surprisingly, our batch has engineers, doctors, veterinarians, chartered accountants, air hostesses, receptionists, chefs, animators, sailors, interpreters, dentists, businessmen and even bartenders who are tall , thin, stout, fat, skinny, muscular, baby faced, cute, chubby, filthy rich or just filthy, you name it and we’ve got it.

School life wasn’t cake walk, like my handwriting was always subject to blunt criticism. So what if my handwriting is ummmmm… hideous for some, it’s not like I didn’t try to improve. Well, WHO’S LAUGHING/ TYPING NOW?? Bullied. Admired. Mocked. All that before 15! Anyways, what’s done is done. There are many things that I still don’t understand doing, for example writing the pledge in 3 different languages for value education class or those remarks that decorated my calendar for not doing homework /* as they hardly mattered*/, but then i am glad that i did.

It’s the individuals I met in school that make school life so special. Many of the most interesting, beautiful, deceptive, funny, brilliant, whimsical people I know are from school. And even if someone wasn’t in your ‘group’ the same school connection supersedes everything. I am looking forward to having an ‘official’ school reunion in the coming years.

Laughing makes you tired and other people paranoid, so now I’ll stop laughing.