Experiences dictate how you feel, in general or otherwise. This is no different thing.
I’ve heard of people like him all the time, first they start off as the teacher’s pet that mature into the professor’s pet, I never thought I’d get a firsthand experience, but I was in for a surprise. They are very easy to spot; they laugh at the senior’s/boss’s jokes the hardest, or greet them with a twinkle in their eye only to bitch when they are gone. They’ll interrupt you when you are speaking and reiterate everything what you’ve just said while talking to the boss. And the one I know is gifted in the sweet talk department, let me illustrate with an example:-
Me- (talking to myself) I am so mad at him, how could he blame it on me? I am going to give him a piece of my mind!
Chaatu- hi! Kya chal raha hai??
After 10 minutes, Chaatu’s leaving to ‘socialize’ with others.
Me- !#@#@$#@$!!! Where’s my wallet????!!! And why the hell am I NAKED????????!!!!
Chaatu- (with my money and my clothes) Sucker!!!
In situations like these having a speech impediment sucks big time!!!!
What I’ve learnt till now is that being a sweet talker is like being Neo, you just have it in you, and no one can take that away.
Well, its just about time he starts getting on people’s nerves (or off mine!) until then, I’ll sulk as he goes for a coffee break with seniors. I’ll stand aside for his twinkly eyes and cheeky smile. Until then he’s the chaatu I dislike, the one person I want to be.
The chaatu I dislike
IT story
It’s been ages… and despite my attempts this is turning into a ghost blog; it’ll be one amongst millions unless I do something about it.
Trying times are upon us. It could’ve been a fairly tale IT story, but that would be soo boring!!
Boy idolizes uncle, boy decides to be just like him- the ‘IT’ factor, working with the cutting edge with the all the money……. naaah, it was about the money. Boy gets job amidst the Global Economy Meltdown! Was it all just meant to be?
But many (read parents/ relatives) are glad that we are in the worst case scenario from the start. ‘It’s better if you face the worst in the beginning, that way even by being a fresher you’ve seen it all!’ but hey! during the layoff drill that was carried out by thee I was stirred, shaken and what not. Fresher’s don’t have to worry about such things you know, most of us aren't in debt, with zero responsibility. We’ll probably go crying back to our parents complaining about ‘the bad client who’s bankrupt and who made the big guys @ office hand-out pink slips’.
Let’s hope for the better.
More to come.. Or as the wannabes say ‘more to cum’!!! lol!
The IT huddle
Being a fresher is tough, many are thinking “he may have the aptitude, but why did they hire a guy?? They could’ve hired a stunner, that’d be more exciting!”
Couple of days go by doing absolutely nothing, just “observing”/* translation- watching other people work for a while-> getting bored-> singling out anyone and counting how many times that person leaves the cubicle*/. The exciting days pass and the BIG DAY finally arrives.
Apparently no one says “get him a computer” instead they say, “allocate machines to the new resource” /*Ya, I know that’s a turn-on! */.
Its THE day I get my PC. It arrives and suddenly the cubicle starts looking a lot smaller. Since the computer isn't configured,I am not allowed to touch anything.After much hoopla the guy (let’s call him IT guy1- for obvious reasons) arrives to set up my ‘machine’, but I guess copying names written in block letters off a paper posted on the soft board isn’t his specialty. Apparently he has a knack for misspelling people’s names. These guys are weird, don’t know if they are tagged or not, but they are definitely IT. The IT guy1 was at it for almost ninety minutes; then called his colleague over to help him out, but the colleague brought 3 other guys with him as he was ‘off for lunch’. They made a huddle as they discussed the possible problems
IT guy1- don’t know what’s happening over here
Me( sitting besides him)- ????!!!!!!
IT guy1- actually I don’t have the access rights yet, I joined last week
ITguy2- why didn’t you say so? I was making access profiles just before the lunch break.
They discussed/argued/commented but like almost all meetings, they decided lunch was much more important. This experience taught me that-
‘The competence of the IT guy can be gauged by the force with which he presses the ‘Enter’ key’.
So, the other day my computer refused to accept my password, I knew I was a goner when the IT guy bashed the keyboard. They are they black sheep in the power tie, sharp suit and branded shirt crowd, like even if the power is disconnected, it’s an IT dept problem and a reason to curse the minions of networking. And 'they' are NEVER your friends.
That’s corporate life, Eh?
The Indian irregularities
Look around you, each individual carries a gaping void within yet can rejoice when our cricket team wins against Bangladesh/Kenya/U.A.E. Everybody is a center of their own universe and yet a death counts don’t matter. Things of utmost importance to the students hardly matter for the ones in charge.
Hindi songs being quoted during the parliament sessions, full time politicians aspiring to be stand up comedians, part time ‘actors’ /*I am guilty of labeling the GREAT Govinda */ being part time politicians and pseudo intellectual Bollywood directors giving their opinions on every damn thing. Crores being spent for protection of a convicted terrorist, but its not enough.
Apparently a medical student rightfully protesting against reservations is intolerable while minorities setting cars and buses ablaze for reservation is righteous. Thanks to some demented people saying “she’s a bomb” isn’t an expression anymore, it’s a possibility.
It’s just a matter of days when a bomb gets reported and the siren blaring police vehicles scat in the opposite direction. This isn’t a dance of democracy, it’s a striptease.
Muhahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! Thank you yahoo messenger for teaching me this expression, as I don’t care anymore.
In 2050
Feeling deeply exploited after watching the promos of Love Story 2050 with its cheesy music and cheesier choreography, I had a dream where, believe it or not, I traveled into the future. These are some of the things that I observed.
- Bobby darling is very popular /*that explains Priyanka Chopra’s hairdo!*/
- Genetic manipulation is legally allowed and widely practiced /*that explains why Harman Baweja looks like a cross between Hritik Roshan and Emraan Hashmi*/
- Half of the world’s been invaded by
- With the ongoing oil crisis, the
- GM, Chevrolet and Ford have abandoned automobile manufacturing and are making profits by using their SUVs as landfills.
- The HRD ministry implemented 97% quota for all admissions, more reservations will be introduced.
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- SRK admits to being bi /* he’s half-way out of the closet */
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- Madonna launched her 38th album titled ‘Undead’ /*can’t figure out why??! */
- Rakhi Sawant got rejected for remake of teletubbies, 6 TIMES!
- Mahesh Bhatt mass produces remakes OF HIS FILMS.
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- Yash Raj banner have finally stopped making films starring Uday Chopra.
- Ellen Degeneres stopped giving gifts; now she throws money at your face.
- Aishwarya Rai is as mesmerizing as she was 50 years ago.
Unleashing the Mr. Hyde within
At a first glance he’s just a normal individual- simply boring. But he is just like everyone else, only less weird probably coz no one snorts as loud as him while laughing. He is on his way home, heading to the bus stop at Borivali station and suddenly he is caught unawares by this guy who’s selling what looks like an electric racquet.
Being abnormally patient he is, he listening to what the hawker has to say and show but in his mind he has already bought the contraption. He clutches it as he is thinking about the cheapest source of entertainment he’s bought himself, he just can’t help but smile while the overcrowded bus strains itself as it makes its way along its route.
Weeks have gone by. And almost everyone can hear the zapping from flat no.302. This is the place where the humble, docile looking guy is transformed into a monster by medieval standards. His alter ego takes over the moment he sees a mosquito, going for the electric swatter like a rajput going for his sword. Don’t know why but he feels happy when he sees the mosquitoes being burnt alive, 2000V being delivered through their bodies.
He’s definitely lost himself to the dark side; he can’t help the compulsion to ‘patrol’ his house in search of new prey……….
………..And somewhere far far away a conspiracy theorist is going through his work. He never trusted the government, ‘these swatters are illegal ‘he says to himself, as he reads a report about people becoming sadists after their obsession to see insects being zapped by the swatters took a whole new meaning.
One of those days… in boredom
Its just one of those days when u can think of million places where you can be, that day of the week, which in the history of most boring days is at the top of the list(as yet). The entire space surrounding you is supersaturated with boredom. The entire batch is dead ( atleast they wish they were) resembling the zombies from resident evil movies, even the teacher’s pets who appeared to be interested have thrown in the towel and stopped asking stupid questions.
There is an eerie silence in the room (except for the humming of the air conditioners who make it the best place to catch the zzzs) , which normally any professors would long for, broken by the professors occasional infuriating comment like, “It doesn’t require this much time” and everybody in the lab divert their blank gazes away from the computer screens, looking at the son of Satan (S.O.S) for the blasphemy. As even the he knows that nothing worthwhile can be acquired from the bunch at this time of the day. At his table he is secretly looking at the watch himself, wishing the hands could turn a bit faster. Its days like these that make him regret his decision of taking up lecturing as a profession.
Not knowing what to do and not having any interest to do anything brings us to this situation. Top it up with the professor who is delivering nothing but lullabies, despite of his apparent attempts to do his best. Forget talking during the practicals, even looking at your friends computer screen unleashes the wrath of the S.O.S accompanied with taunts like- “how did u ever get in BE?? This was already done in the lower semesters” and you just sit there, so desperate that you will even try jumping out of the lab window just to get the hell out. You are mindlessly exploring the network, not because you are searching something, but you can’t bear to do what he says anymore. You come across a folder titled ‘flash’, opening it is just a reflex. Suddenly you are happy.. You must be smiling; an entire folder of flash games seems like a sign. The guy upstairs is watching and can’t bear to see you like this. Time just flies away.
The bell rings, the entire batch has been given the kiss of life, its over.
Everyone is rushing for their bags. Wanting to escape from the torture chamber, everybody is in a hurry. Just as everyone is making their way out, he calmly says “we will continue next time” , there is nothing you can do, you just remember the computer you were at.
